Today my husband & I celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary; it feels kind of like a small milestone.When I decided I was going to write this anniversary post, I had trouble deciding between writing about our actual wedding or writing about our actual marriage. I decided on the latter. Too often I think people go into marriages thinking it will be a piece of cake. That everyday is going to be full of honey and sweetie and sugar pie. That the hot passion will last forever. And please don’t get me wrong. Some days are like that; sweet, kind, passionate. But it’s rarely like that ALL day, EVERYday. Because, you know, real life happens. Kids, careers, merging two families, creating a home. So here are a few “lessons” I have learned in the past five years. (I can’t speak for my husband, but I’d venture to guess he has learned a few of the same things too.)
In the case of my husband and I, we are both first borns (i.e. stubborn) and we were older when we got married (i.e. set in our ways), so you can imagine how much we can butt heads some days. The words, “You know you don’t always have to be right!” have come out of both of our mouths on more than one occasion. We have learned to fight (Yes, we fight. You’re shocked I know!) in a way that works for us. I have continually discovered through these past five years just how important it really is to know your partner’s “fightin’ style”.
I know this isn’t a new concept; that you have all heard “experts” say this, but I am here as a non-expert to say it is OH. SO. TRUE. You have to make time for date nights & time for each other. When hubs and I have a few days in a row that aren’t just peachy-keen, one of us will realize it has been a few weeks since we had time just us. Ideally, we try to have date nights at least twice a month. (This doesn’t always happen.) But they really do rekindle & refresh us. And these date nights are all well and good, but want to know the secret that I think really works for us? We go on a vacation every year sans kiddos—yes you read that right. EVERY YEAR. And while we miss our boys like crazy (I almost cried when we boarded the plane this year—ALMOST I said), we find we reconnect on so many levels while we are away. We are reminded that the most important thing we can give each other and our boys is a strong, loving relationship between us. And while being the best parents we can be is so very important, being the best wife/husband might be even more so. Because, let’s face it, the boys will leave this house eventually, and it will be just my husband & I living here. I want that day to come and be looking at my best friend not a total stranger. My point is I’ve learned it’s important to make time for you as a couple.
Another lesson I’ve learned? I feel closer to my husband when we do activities together. Sounds weird right? Let me give you an example. We are both divers. There is nothing we enjoy more than diving together. There’s just something about experiencing something together that not everyone sees that makes me fell close to him. And the conversations about the dives last way past the dive itself. Heck, we still talk about the dive when my husband touched a shark at least once a month. Other activities we enjoy together? bike riding and following our local NBA team. Simple things.
The most important thing I’ve learned is that for my husband and I both is to know we each have the others’ back; that we are on each others’ side. And I am going to leave that one just that simple.
So, that’s my wisdom I have to impart on you. Please don’t read this and I think that I think we have it all figured out. Because I don’t. We are still learning daily, but I do feel like we are pretty good at some things. That’s ok, right? No matter how long you’ve been married, I believe you always are learning new things. What have you learned in your marriage?